Rape: A shattered identity
RAPE-A SHATTERED IDENTITY
By Oluwatosin Olaniyi
Just like gold and diamonds which pass through fire to get refined, challenges in life are meant to help build our tolerance and make us better.
Rape is one of a woman’s nightmares, yet it happens. It happens just in a couple of minutes and it seems to last forever. An overwhelming array of emotions rocket through your mind; anger, frustration, pain, depression, dejection, hatred, confusion and many more. It seems like a bad dream but the scar is left unhealed. Then it dawns on the woman – she has been raped!
A raped woman is like a wounded lion. She is hurt. She has her health to ponder on (she could get pregnant or contact a deadly disease), her safety to protect, the stigma the rape brings and how her family and friends will take the issue. She is broken and might never regain her shattered identity.
A peep into the causes of rape, we discover that indecent dressing on the part of the women is a major cause. Another cause is overconsumption of alcohol and hard drugs which removes the rapist’s sense of reasoning. Some cases are caused by peer pressure while others could be caused just as a belief that rape is a test of power among men.
Tobi (other names withheld) lived with her grandma alongside her male cousin –Segun, due to her parents’ separation. As at this time, Tobi was in her early years of primary school while Segun, her cousin, was in secondary school.
Tobi was about four years old when her cousin suddenly took sexual interest in her. He began to call her to private corners of the house, touching her genitals and forcing her to touch his. Segun also forced Tobi to give him blowjobs and engage in other unwholesome sexual activities.
:(
On one of such numerous days, Tobi told her cousin that she was going to report the case to her grandma if he did not stop. However, this only made matters worse as he took her to the back of the house, carried a big dark gun(which the Yorubas call “shakabula”), shot at a rat which split into pieces and threatened Tobi that the same would be her fate if she said anything to their grandma.
Tobi was very young and did not have a name for what she was going through. All she knew was that she was being forced to do things she would not ordinarily do.
Sooner, at the age of seven, she relocated to stay with her mother who was heavily pregnant at the time. She was probably happy that her worries were over, but to her utmost dismay, they had just started. She started receiving some sexual glances from her neighbour but never talked about it to her mother.
One fateful day, her pregnant mother sent her on an errand and while returning, her neighbour confronted her. She ran but did not escape as he walked into the house and raped her. Her mother was in a deep sleep due to her pregnant state and did not hear Tobi shout. She was so devastated and could not even tell anybody.
As if these were not enough, a few years later, at about 14years of age, Tobi and her siblings were returning home from an event and stopped by a fierce-looking young man. The man had the intention of having his way with Tobi’s younger sister but due to her sisterly love, Tobi volunteered to be raped in place of her sister. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched her innocence being violated.
On three different occasions, Tobi was brutally raped and had no one to talk to. Presently, she is in her late teenage years and has fought hard to take off the stigma of being raped. Segun, her cousin who raped her the first time is now a barber after bagging various degrees from the university.
One might have thought that Tobi would have grievous hatred for people of the opposite sex. However, she has grown to deal with her challenge and has a lot of guys as friends.
What of cases where the female initiates the rape? Though it is just about 1%, there have been few cases of women raping men or little boys. What could warrant such? Experts say it is probably as a result of lack of self control.
Anyone who has sexual interest in little children of either gender is called a paedophile. In other words, the Rapists in Tobi’s experience can be referred to as paedophiles as she was still a minor (under 18) as at the different occasions she was raped.
It is advised that ladies should dress properly to avoid rape as we saw earlier in this article that indecent dressing is the major cause of rape. Though, this was not so in Tobi’s case who was barely five and had no sexual appeal that might have warranted rape.
Sine qua non, Tobi is living fine and advises men to stay away from ladies that are not their wives instead of plotting a rape against them. Sadly, although the law prescribes a life sentence for a repair, it is often very difficult to establish a case and secure a condition. Society may need to do more to protect girls and women from this menace.
Show love to rape victims
Welcome to 2015. Love y'all
Till our next post
Stay Younique...
By Oluwatosin Olaniyi
Just like gold and diamonds which pass through fire to get refined, challenges in life are meant to help build our tolerance and make us better.
Rape is one of a woman’s nightmares, yet it happens. It happens just in a couple of minutes and it seems to last forever. An overwhelming array of emotions rocket through your mind; anger, frustration, pain, depression, dejection, hatred, confusion and many more. It seems like a bad dream but the scar is left unhealed. Then it dawns on the woman – she has been raped!
A raped woman is like a wounded lion. She is hurt. She has her health to ponder on (she could get pregnant or contact a deadly disease), her safety to protect, the stigma the rape brings and how her family and friends will take the issue. She is broken and might never regain her shattered identity.
A peep into the causes of rape, we discover that indecent dressing on the part of the women is a major cause. Another cause is overconsumption of alcohol and hard drugs which removes the rapist’s sense of reasoning. Some cases are caused by peer pressure while others could be caused just as a belief that rape is a test of power among men.
Tobi (other names withheld) lived with her grandma alongside her male cousin –Segun, due to her parents’ separation. As at this time, Tobi was in her early years of primary school while Segun, her cousin, was in secondary school.
Tobi was about four years old when her cousin suddenly took sexual interest in her. He began to call her to private corners of the house, touching her genitals and forcing her to touch his. Segun also forced Tobi to give him blowjobs and engage in other unwholesome sexual activities.
:(
On one of such numerous days, Tobi told her cousin that she was going to report the case to her grandma if he did not stop. However, this only made matters worse as he took her to the back of the house, carried a big dark gun(which the Yorubas call “shakabula”), shot at a rat which split into pieces and threatened Tobi that the same would be her fate if she said anything to their grandma.
Tobi was very young and did not have a name for what she was going through. All she knew was that she was being forced to do things she would not ordinarily do.
Sooner, at the age of seven, she relocated to stay with her mother who was heavily pregnant at the time. She was probably happy that her worries were over, but to her utmost dismay, they had just started. She started receiving some sexual glances from her neighbour but never talked about it to her mother.
One fateful day, her pregnant mother sent her on an errand and while returning, her neighbour confronted her. She ran but did not escape as he walked into the house and raped her. Her mother was in a deep sleep due to her pregnant state and did not hear Tobi shout. She was so devastated and could not even tell anybody.
As if these were not enough, a few years later, at about 14years of age, Tobi and her siblings were returning home from an event and stopped by a fierce-looking young man. The man had the intention of having his way with Tobi’s younger sister but due to her sisterly love, Tobi volunteered to be raped in place of her sister. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched her innocence being violated.
On three different occasions, Tobi was brutally raped and had no one to talk to. Presently, she is in her late teenage years and has fought hard to take off the stigma of being raped. Segun, her cousin who raped her the first time is now a barber after bagging various degrees from the university.
One might have thought that Tobi would have grievous hatred for people of the opposite sex. However, she has grown to deal with her challenge and has a lot of guys as friends.
What of cases where the female initiates the rape? Though it is just about 1%, there have been few cases of women raping men or little boys. What could warrant such? Experts say it is probably as a result of lack of self control.
Anyone who has sexual interest in little children of either gender is called a paedophile. In other words, the Rapists in Tobi’s experience can be referred to as paedophiles as she was still a minor (under 18) as at the different occasions she was raped.
It is advised that ladies should dress properly to avoid rape as we saw earlier in this article that indecent dressing is the major cause of rape. Though, this was not so in Tobi’s case who was barely five and had no sexual appeal that might have warranted rape.
Sine qua non, Tobi is living fine and advises men to stay away from ladies that are not their wives instead of plotting a rape against them. Sadly, although the law prescribes a life sentence for a repair, it is often very difficult to establish a case and secure a condition. Society may need to do more to protect girls and women from this menace.
Show love to rape victims
Welcome to 2015. Love y'all
Till our next post
Stay Younique...
Nice work dear. Thank God for helping her. And may God also help us all. Happy new year all
ReplyDeleteThanks baby. Please stop by regularly and happy new year. Cheers to a great 2015
ReplyDeleteXoxo